It’s been an age since I’ve written an article for the Reague and I figure that it’s time to quench the thirst of the masses with some thick, sticky article knowledge. A lot has changed since my last article which was 3/4 written in Week 8 of the season before being promptly aborted like Rick’s entire roster ought to be.
So, in the spirit of the off-season being in full swing I thought I’d bring a mock draft article previewing our draft scheduled for July 25th. It is allegedly taking place in Mendota Heights or some shit. I’m still offering my residence with arms with open. A league road trip would do wonders for building chemistry!
I’d give a caution that this article isn’t meant to replace your own research, but fuck it. If you want to lean on this and MFL’s ADP as your main sources of info, please do. I’m more than happy to reap the benefits of your shitty decision making.
1.01 — Al Davis: Crypt Keeper
Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB — Kansas City Chiefs (LSU)
Nick’s team is in full-on rebuild mode and there’s no illusions about it. That said, he’s banking on five 1st round picks this year as his basis to build a new core. The first overall pick is something of a shoe-in that it will be Nick’s favorite RB and the safest pick is the man known as CEH. This selection brings in a modern, pass catching RB in the most explosive offense in the league. There’s a high floor and solid ceiling on CEH that make him a fairly obvious 1.01.
1.02 — Al Davis: Crypt Keeper (from Big Ginga)
Jonathan Taylor, RB — Indianapolis Colts (Wisconsin)
This pick becomes quite a big more difficult. Does Nick double-down on RBs to give him a trio of CEH, David Montgomery, and another one or does he grab his favorite WR here to slide into his barren WR group behind Odell? The common value here says go for the RB and if he wants a WR, either trade back or grab them later with the myriad picks. Jonathan Taylor is basically the foil to CEH. He’s a somewhat old school gap scheme RB who can pound the rock and has amazing speed but is somewhat limited in the pass catching game. Anyone who has watched his historic college career will know how good Jonathan Taylor can be, making this pick easier than it seems.
1.03 — Release the Kringen (from Fantasy Unabiding, by way of Al Davis)
J.K. Dobbins, RB — Baltimore Ravens (Ohio State)
We’ve been so used to watching the Kringens dominate over the years, we have missed his team slowly rotting from underneath Donny’s feet. Behind Zeke are a bunch of question marks at RB and despite some decent depth at WR, there’s no true #1 and not a lot of sure things. But despite that, Donny has enough ammo to keep on firing for playoff contention and grabbing Dobbins here gives him a potentially useful RB for this year who can anchor his runners for years to come.
1.04 — Fantasy Costco (from It Ertz When Eifert)
Ceedee Lamb, WR — Dallas Cowboys (Oklahoma)
The worst case scenario has developed here for Fantasy Costco as his need for an RB2 to bring the team together has seen the top 3 go early. The choice between reaching for a lesser RB or grabbing a favorite WR is a tough one unfortunately I can’t look into Casey’s mind to know what he might do. If only there were a way to know! So we go with the value pick here and grab Ceedee Lamb, the talented WR out of Oklahoma who can do a good bit of everything. Make contested catches, run a variety of routes soundly, and be an ace with the ball in hand.
1.05 — Anarchy PD (from Nuclear Fallout)
D’Andre Swift, RB — Detroit Lions (Georgia)
This is the area where we see picks starting to become difficult to predict. Sean has another tough decision to either bolster his WR or RB group, both of which are strong but have some warts. He decides to go RB despite knowing that the Lions ruin everything they get their hands on. The plus side is the offense seems strong enough for Swift to succeed. The down side is that if Swift does an exceptional job, he’ll probably retire at 28 like all Lions legends.
1.06 — Big Ginga (from Fantasy Costco, by way of Al Davis)
Cam Akers, RB — LA Rams (Florida State)
Good chance we see Rick grab whichever RB falls to him here as his #2 RB right now appears to be… Devonta Freeman? Tony Pollard? Cam Akers is a solid choice even though his situation appears to be somewhat difficult and possibly a 3-headed committee. Akers has been admirably comped as an “Adrian Peterson-lite) RB who can do the hard running through holes and punish defenders in a gap scheme, which the Rams switched to toward the end of 2019 as they discovered you can have two TEs on the field at the same time.
1.07 — Fighting Whities
Jerry Jeudy, WR — Denver Broncos (Alabama)
While this draft has been filled with tough decisions for everyone else, this one is a layup for Joe. His WR group has a distinct lack of depth and the best route runner in the draft slots in comfortably in a group headlined by players who also profile as route technicians. If Jeudy can be a useful flex contributor this year, Joe will be able to have competitive aspirations while working on revitalizing his team slowly.
1.08 — Al Davis: Crypt Keeper (from The Aborted, by way of Big Ginga)
Jalen Reagor, WR — Philadelphia Eagles (TCU)
The WR-who-is-an-RB-with-the-ball kind of guy has become a popular archetype in the last few years and Reagor seems to be the next in that lineage. Nick’s 3rd pick in the round looks to keep on rounding out his roster by adding the TCU product who walks into a potentially open job in Philadelphia with Alshon having no timetable for return from injury and DeSean Jackson being at the end of his life cycle.
1.09 — Big Ginga (from Release the Kringen, by way of Al Davis)
Justin Jefferson, WR — Minnesota Vikings (LSU)
Rick’s need would still be at RB here but Justin Jefferson is too tempting not to pick here. The insanely productive slot WR projects as an early starter in Minnesota and should help as the Gingas try to pull themselves out of this apparently perpetual rebuild he has found the team in.
1.10 — Al Davis: Crypt Keeper (from Anarchy PD)
Ke’Shawn Vaughn, RB — Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Vanderbilt)
Nick is somehow on his fourth 1st rounder and not done yet! Vaughn offers an interesting chance to guarantee Nick gets the top RB in Tampa Bay when paired with Ronald Jones. Does that mean much? Fuck, idk. But it’s not too much of a reach here and it makes a lot of sense as the top 4 WRs have all been taken off the board.
1.11 — Al Davis: Crypt Keeper (from Afternoon Delight, by way of Release the Kringen)
Henry Ruggs III, WR — Las Vegas Raiders (Alabama)
In the true spirit of Al Davis, the Las Vegas Raiders (still feels really gross to write) selected pure, nasty speed in Henry Ruggs and the Crypt Keepers follow that tradition here. The ability to grab the first receiver drafted in the NFL draft at 1.11 is a rare situation and Nick feels compelled to jump on that.
1.12 — Fantasy Unabiding (from Norse Code, by way of Al Davis)
Brandon Aiyuk, WR — San Francisco 49ers (Arizona State)
The final first round receiver for both the NFL draft and the RORR draft comes off the board here. Aiyuk joins a WR team that may want him to produce sooner than later with Deebo’s broken foot probably costing him a month but on the plus side his absence leaves room for Aiyuk, right?
2.01 — Norse Code (from Al Davis)
Joe Burrow, QB — Cincinnati Bengals (LSU)
Jeff finally gets to participate in the draft! With the most complete team in the league, the Norse Code can look at plugging some of the few roster holes he has. The main one that sticks out is the QB position where Aaron Rodgers is starting to get up there in age and in an offense that wants to have a running identity. Burrow is the obvious pick coming off possibly the best college season of all time by a QB. It sure was statistically.
2.02 — Afternoon Delight (from Big Ginga, by way of Release the Kringen)
Zack Moss, RB — Buffalo Bills (Utah)
Bryan begins a streak of 4 of the next 5 picks in the early 2nd and grabs Moss to make sure he isn’t sniped by Andrew before he can mop up any receivers that he wants. Moss brings in a big frame and a powerful running style that lacks nuance or the need for moves. He has the body and running style to stuff the ball down team’s throats for 20+ carries a game and breaking their will to stop him. This should be a good developmental back on Bryan’s team where he doesn’t necessarily need an immediate contributor.